I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
