eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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