What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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