So drunk its hurt
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
