Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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