Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
