I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
