She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
