At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
