I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
