Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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