I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
