Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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