Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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