At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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