i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
