I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
