Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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