Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
