Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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