i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
