Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Michael Bay diarrhea
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
