Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
