i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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