Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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