I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
