Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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