omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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