Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
