Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
