Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm at about main and main street
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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