So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
