Porn is love you can see.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
