how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
