I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So much Jack, so little girl.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
