I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
