Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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