Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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