Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
