i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
