My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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