Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
