i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
