They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
