Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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