if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
