She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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