Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
