If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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