just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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