Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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