why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
