the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
