Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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