apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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