So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
